:: Death and Taxation ::

:: Thursday, March 28, 2002 ::

anotherfluke@hotmail.com

stranger@kindstranger.com

martinn@u.washington.edu

nathma03@noa.nintendo.com

7432 jefferson ave
Hammond, IN 46324
010181
:: anotherfluke 6:41 PM [+] ::
...

http://www.yourdictionary.com/languages/altaic.html

http://www.aa.tufs.ac.jp/~jwb/wwwjdic.html

http://www.chipchat.com/NihonGo/protect/KatakanaDrill.html

http://www.japanese-online.com/

http://linear.mv.com/cgi-bin/j-e/jis/nocolor/dict

http://www.kanjistep.com/

http://www.ncsx.com

http://www.cgjapansea.org/

http://kansainow.com/japanvisa01.html

Nothing for anybody looking at the site. these are mostly for my reference. That is, unless you are trying to learn japanese.

:: anotherfluke 3:01 PM [+] ::
...

This is a temporary site where I can post my more personal thoughts on what is happening in my life right now. There are several things going on, so I guess I'll just start at the beginning....

My friend Dan is leaving to move to Ohio in a few days (the 26th of March, 2002). I'm pretty bummed about the fact, but I'm glad that he's doing something to take control of his life. I was worried for awhile, because he wasn't really going anywhere here. I think he'll do fine over there with the job he's moving there for. I don't know whether he'll like it there, but I have a feeling he will probably spend a lot of time thinking about "home." I hope he does well, and I hope he comes back to visit soon. Heh he hasn't even left yet and I feel like he's already gone. Blah.

My other friend, Aaron, will be leaving for Costa Rica on the 15th of April. Aaron is my oldest friend in that I've known him (and been friends with him) longer than anyone else. We met in the fourth grade, and have been friends ever since. He comes and goes, and we spend as much as 3 years at a time without so much as an email to each other. But when he calls me or I call him, it's as if we had been talking the whole time. I find this pretty amazing, personally, and it makes me value his friendship more than others I've had before. There are some people that, if everybody doesn't have one they should, just have that effect on each other. I'm going to miss him when he leaves, but I also know that it frankly isn't going to affect my life that much. That's kind of a painful thing to say, but it says just as much about our relationship as friends as it does about our own resilience and resolve. Maybe.

Finally, my mother is starting to... well, the cancer is finally starting to take its toll. A few weeks ago she was admitted to the hospital because she was retaining water caused by her chemotherapy. She finally was allowed to come home, but she hasn't fully recovered. She has an oxygen line at all times, which means wires and tubes around my parents house. I feel strangely detached to what is going on, which is ok for me, but I feel like I am letting my mother down by not showing emotion, so to speak. Sometimes, however, I think about really sad things like being at my mothers funeral, or my dad crying, and it tears me apart. I feel very sad, and this is the first time someone close to me has faced death.

Thinking about things like what my mother is going through makes me think about my own mortality. I thought that I had accepted the fact that I am going to die, but now I realize that I had just pushed these issues to the back of my brain. The hardest part is thinking about people like my mother not being around to share in life. I can't tell her when I do well in school, or when I get promoted at work, or how my car wouldn't start. I don't think it's sad that won't have my mother to talk to, I think it's sad that my mother won't be there to listen. I hope that made sense to you, if you're not reading this, because that's the simplest way to describe it. It's another version of me wishing I would be around in the 25th century just so I can see what sort of cool things humanity has done between now and then.

Anyways, I think that is enough for now. Oh, one last thing. My diet is going to shit. I know it is happening, but I can't seem to do anything about it. Hopefully, I will soon be able to get back to my original diet plan. it was going so well, too. In 2 months, I had lost 35 pounds. Since then, I have held steady at 260. Hopefully things will turn around when things settle down.

Heh the lame part is that things probably won't settle down for a looong time.
:: anotherfluke 2:40 AM [+] ::
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